sands of time are slipping from my hand. there is a voice which calls out 'what if life ignores you?' am tied and bound, the barb wires hurt i have lost my voice and my pseudo self decides to take over. its as if the remote control of my life is handled by someone else. am watching the rushes of a movie - a movie on my life but the director is not me i have no part in the script. my pseudo self or shall i say my evil twin very cliched i know is just there living my life pretending to be me. only i know how hollow it is inside. it has borrowed every breath from me every heart beat from me. it refuses to take instructions from me or it is incapable of doing that. how ridiculous of me even expect to live my life, i keep forgetting its pseudo, fake, unreal. it has invaded every space of my life. it is lurking as the dark shadow. i cringe and i fail i scream but it is just a bubble. i reach out but the fog is engulfing me. it dawns upon me that i dont exist anymore it is shadow who is living. my shadow with that leering smile and ugly gleam is says it wont kill me but let me live. it feeds on my struggle for existence. it is all my fault. i let it grow, i fed it and now it is larger and powerful than me. is it my fall? how do i get rid of this mask the mask of pretence of individuality of happiness of confidence because its not me.