i walked into a class full of chattering and confident girls. it was my first day in a big school. i was the star of my kindergarten school. suddenly i was uprooted from my comfort zone and put in a class full of loud girls in ugly uniforms, teachers who talk with a scale in their hands. i was unsure, shy and gawky. i wanted to disappear in some corner unnoticed. but there was someone who loudly pointed at me asked the teacher, "ask her to sit next to me?" i did as i was told. i admired you from that day. you exuded confidence and you were sure about your every move and word. i was in awe of you. but i hated your friends. they used to tease, make fun of me. you always defended me but a lot of things went unnoticed. i distanced myself from u because i could not stand your friends. the entire academic year ended. my first year in that school i used to sit in the last bench, i did not make any friends and i barely got pass marks and always used to get yelled by the teachers. i hated school. the next year on the first day as i was quietly slipping to my usual corner you called me, "hey you are supposed to sit next to me!" i looked around and saw that your friends are missing. i shrugged and quietly sat next to you. later on you admitted that you hated them and they were never your friends. my six year old heart felt very happy. we have been friends ever since then. twenty years of friendship and i give you full credit for keeping it.

you have been dominating and bossy. you have always been the leader and i the reluctant and slow follower. you excelled in studies, sports, arts, music and i struggled to come out of your shadows. did i ever resent that? no never. i loved that you bossed me around, ordered me as to what i should do or not, always had your way with me. nobody replaced you. you refused to give me your noted unless i stayed over at your house and you decided when you should come and stay in my house without any invitation. its fascinating how you controlled my life. you were a friend, a sister, a mother everything. i used to come last in races but you partnered with me and i came second, that's the first and last time i got a prize in sports. you always used to be the top performer in the class. you were competitive and i barely used to pass. you supported me when i came 12th in class and you second. you taught me, inspired me that i was got followed you to accept my prize from the chief guest. you managed to lead me to become one of the top performers in the class. there has been no looking back. its funny but now i am considered as a good student. you scolded me when i refused to touch an elders feet, you scolded me when i am arrogant and anti social. even when you were busy with your marriage plans, you always found the best place to sleep for me, you ensured i get my meals in that mad house full of confusion and activity. when i lost my heels, you ensured i get them back even though you were standing on the podium and receiving the guests for your reception. i bumbled, made mistakes, refused to grow up and you forced me, lead me and dragged with the same stubborn resolute which never failed to surprise me even after all these years.

do you remember the day when we packed extra frock, underwear and ten bucks and wanted to run away from our families. finally when the school bell rang, our enthusiasm curbed, each advancing steps becomes heavy. we had too much pride to admit that it was stupidity and was waiting for the other to utter. then i saw my grandmother standing outside the gate with my favourite sweets and we forgot everything. how about the day when your brother asked us about sex and how we laughed at the disbelief on his face. the first time we stayed alone at your grandmother's house. the numerous nights that we stayed up to talk, the messes we made in the kitchen. the memories are many, some have faded, some are still fresh, some are yet to be made.

we have changed a lot over the years. i have become cynical, detached and disillusioned and you have become more passive, accepting and realist. i am self destructive and have lost all my faith but you bring stability and normalcy in my life. you show me what is to believe, trust and accept. though its too late to change but i am still well behaved in front of you. you make me better with your presence. the way you absorbed me into your family and extended family and held on to even when i showed signs of drifting apart. when i hugged your grandmother, your both aunts, your brother, mother before saying good bye i realised that the bond and love that i shared with them thanks to you remains even in your absence. the millions of 'how she came to our house when she was young' that was narrated by them makes them a part of my life even though i might not see them ever again. you are embarking on your new journey and it is impossible not to love, respect and admire you and i am sure you will be an excellent wife, mother just as you have been an excellent daughter, sister and friend. it might not be the same again but i want to see you grow old and want our children to grow together so that you them the same values that you taught me. love you more than ever.