even though i am a bengali, i do not have most of the habits that defines them nor do i like doing things that most bengalis do. i cannot differentiate between a rabindrasangeet and nazrul geeti nor can i write good poetry, i dont even understand poetry. i cannot sing or dance and i do not have any artistic ability that i can boast off. i dont believe in groupism and most certainly dont seek out another bong the minute i lay my eyes on him or her. in fact i have very few bengali friends even though i have spent 16 years of my life in calcutta.
but one thing i am passionate about like any other bengali is the durga puja. as the story goes that ma durga after triumphing over the evil descends on earth to visit her mother along with her children. though the story of her slaying the asur is glorious, durga puja for me is much beyond that story.
for me it is the celebration of life. those five days when we buy new clothes, eat whatever our stomach is craving and co existing with a camaraderie which is probably absent the rest of the year. when i look at ma durga's face, i draw strength from her. the power that she exudes rubs off on all of us and gives us the high to celebrate to the fullest of the achievements and all the failures which we are ready to forget about.
when i was calcutta, the air and odour was completely festive that would draw anyone out of depression and float along with the wave of celebration. it all starts with the excitement of going to innumerable sales and buying clothes for all the five days and buying gifts for the relatives. until probably i was 21 i insisted on having new clothes, one for the day and one for the night, for all the five days of celebrations. then the sound of dhak what wakes u up in the morning, pandal hopping, going out with friends and coming back late in the night, that was one time in the year when there was no restriction on time we went out and came back. even the anjali which we are supposed to give without eating anything, i on most occasions ate something but never failed to give anjali. the rolls, chops, muglai paranthas, bhog everything added to the celebrations. even visiting relatives and chatting with them during that period was not painful which is irksome otherwise. and the bijoya dashami, the pati shapta, narkel nadu was probably the cherry on the cake.
and this feeling of euphoria did not change after i moved to hyderabad. though the nature of the puja and people were infinitely different but it did not change the way i felt towards the festival. the puja at the club, the food (i am afraid i am a true blue bengali when it comes to food. no celebration is complete without good food.) it is pleasant to meet and share all the pleasantries who otherwise seem very pretentious. therefore whether i realise it or not durga puja is something which i look forward to and something that has become very integral part of my life.
this year when i was going through an all time low period, i had no reason to celebrate life and i was in a state where i started questioning the very existence of life, i vowed not to celebrate. i decided not to go the pandal not buy any clothes. it was almost painful not to see ma durga face and not be in sync with such high spirits. but of course the spirit of the festival drew me along with it and humbled me that i cannot ignore durga puja because ma durga again has given me yet another reason to celebrate.
i am rarely spiritual and never religious. for me durga puja goes beyong religion. every small ritual and every detail associated with the festival is important and bring me joy and i can say confidently that it has nothing to do with my religious and spiritual inclinations. it is the time when i can thank the universe for making everything worth it.