whenver am in the Howrah station waiting for cab i just stand grounded and stare at the stream of people moving about some with a purpose, some without. i always get so engrossed just looking at them without realising its so easy to get lost in the crowd. it happens to me so often am in a party and standing in one corner just observing people engaging themselves in animated conversation without even bothering to do the same. its as if i have some kind of cord with which i connect to people and disconnect myself whenever i want. when am at home it almost becomes a pain to even talk to people. the cell phone becomes a burden. saying hello to everyone with remotest civility is an effort to me. it dawned upon me that i can lead my life normally without actually talking to anyone. there is always so much to think about. the web goes spinning. yet am not lonely. i have often been told that am so full of myself. it true to an certain extent. am a self confessed loner and very comfortable being one. people say its an attitude problem. but i must confess that i dont deliberately ignore people its just i dont notice them for my own absentmindedness. i must confess that that sometimes i have the best conversations with myself. as if its some kind of madness which i really dont want to get rid of. i close my eyes and purge myself of all the unwanted thoughts and just concentrate on the functioning of the organs. to feel the clock work precision of my brain as if there is a person in the brain and continuously tuning my body clock, the rhythmic beat of the heart reminds of a factory environment. and if i concentrate i can almost hear each every tiny cell breathe. the pleasure is almost undefinable. call it madness or self obsessiveness but i that search for that deep contentment is almost worth every whim.