i don't suffer from Monday morning blues anymore, in fact i don't even notice the approaching Mondays. no i have not discovered a new mantra to ignore the horrifying Mondays staring at you. it is mostly because my weekdays are not same anymore. Monday i have a health presentation, Tuesday is reporting, Wednesday is international issues exam etc etc. i still don't look forward to mornings or no i do plan my days. my days rumble by with me stumbling and bumbling along with it. these days i do a lot of self introspection and discover the most obvious things and still get surprised.

my recent discovery is that dreams should never be full filled. not because it is difficult to chase it but it is pointless. we dream and spend all our energy to make it true. and then we suddenly realise that it is not as fascinating as we dreamt it. it has flaws in it and then we abandon it to chase another. dreams are never meant to be real, they cant represent truth. then why not keep them in our imagination and take the pleasure of enhancing and nourishing it. i would rather dream about being about adding value to my life than make a mad chase at full filling it. how pointless that would be?

my next discovery which is again but obvious is me being dorky with early signs of dementia. i have my suspicions of being schizophrenic and am almost convinced i will end up some kind of mental disease. no i am not morbid by nature, its just that i feel that all of us suffer from some kind of mental disorder. life becomes so easy that when u know that u suffer from a mental disorder. u advertise the disorder and make perfect excuses for your quirkiness. u scream at someone for no particular reason and make the perfect excuse of saying that i suffer from bpd. i am not under playing the enormity of the disorder and people suffering from it. i think they laugh at the so called normal folks saying they are worse than us.

i don't stand by these thoughts and nor do i deny them, as always it is incoherent and i prefer it to be. incoherence adds the meaning that order fails.